So Why DID the Chicken Cross the Road?
From the perspective of contemporary celebrities:
SARAH PALIN: Ya know, before it got to the other side, I shot the
chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was
time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road
because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and
dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped
that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes
me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that
every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to
cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed
the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side
of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for
us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly
see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the
road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross,
and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not
for it now and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken
doesn’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on
this side of the road before it goes after the problem on
the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current
problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.
So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and
take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a
chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the
other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s
guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that
chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s
Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain
level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it
with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it
crossed I’ve not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the
road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and
that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments,
we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first
time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a
serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its
lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing
roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2009, which will
not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is
an integral part of eChicken 2009. This new platform is much
more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or
did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
I approve of this, sir.
Narzack, is that you? Well of course it is (otherwise, you’d not have signed it “Narzack”!).