Somewhere in a remote, undisclosed location, four Republican candidates gather under cover of darkness…

Marco (or Ted): “Men, I think you all know why I’ve called you here today. We all love our country, and we all are know that neither this country nor the conservative movement could tolerate a “President Trump”. We, men, have it in our power to keep that from happening–but we need to stop fighting each other and concentrate our efforts on defeating the Donald.”

Ted (or Marco): “He’s right. We may have a few differences, but we all know that any of the four of us would be infinitely preferable to this clown.”

Marco (or Ted): “So we need to leave this meeting committed to the defeat of Donald Trump.”

Ben: “How can I help?”

Marco: “Let’s agree to this, guys: after Super Tuesday, whichever of us has the most committed delegates goes on, and the others drop out of the race.”

Ted: “I don’t like the sound of that, but it’s not about me: it’s about America.”

Marco: “Right, Ted, and you are running a strong campaign, and so it might well be you who is the nominee. But here’s what I’m committed to. First, Ben, you would make the finest Surgeon General this country has ever seen. Your credibility knows few bounds. If I am the nominee, you are my Surgeon General.”

Ted: “Mine as well. John, there is nobody on either side who has as distinguished and varied a career of public service. Plus, we all know how much Ohio means to our chances of capturing the White House. How does ‘Cruz/Kasich’ sound to you?”

Marco: “Actually, I prefer ‘Rubio/Kasich’.” (Laughter)

Ted: “Well, that’s to be decided come Super Tuesday, Marco. Now as for you, I can’t imagine another person I’d rather have to straighten out the mess that John Kerry and Hillary Clinton have made of the State Department. In a Cruz administration, I’d be proud to have you as Secretary of State, Marco.”

Marco: “Thanks, Ted. What I envision for you is a lifetime of public service on the Supreme Court, where your judgments would influence generations. In a Rubio administration, you would be my first nominee to the Court.”

Ted: “Thanks, Marco.”

John: “Then it’s settled. Ben is Surgeon General; I get the Vice-Presidency; you two duke it out until Super Tuesday, and we all coalesce behind the winner. Is that right?”

Marco: “That’s about the size of it.”

All: “We’re in. Let’s do this thing.”

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